Dell complaints

[nis_pero]

Hello, my name is _____ and I used to work for Dell (indirectly, through a subcontracting call center in Canada). I hate Dell and all it represents after working for them 6 months. However, I still bought a new Dell Inspiron 6000 2 weeks ago', because I needed a cheap computer. I know a part of the system...

This is something I wanted to write for a while, but never came around it. Whether you are a current or prospective Dell customer, you shall read this!

Welcome to Dell-Mart!

1. You shall get what you pay for: I think we should also call this "Dell's Law of Retail Purchasing". Basically, any other commandment is derived directly or indirectly from this one. Dell is a corporation, and it answers only to its investors. To stay ahead of the competition, they have to be as cheap as possible while maximizing profits. This means cheap parts, cheap labour, cheap service, cheap anything. Only the consumer is responsible of this Wal-Mart mentality. Don't bitch about the system if you're feeding it and keeping it alive.

2. You shall read and understand the terms and conditions of sale and your warranty: If you bought it, you're bound by this document, whether you've read it or not... just like any penal, civil, criminal code out there. If you want a hard copy, you can ask for one, but it's up to you. Also be very aware of the return policy. If you're past 1 day, it's over. Also be aware that if you want an exchange, you are very likely to get a refurbished system. It's on the document, live with it. You decide what type of warranty you purchase, it's all optional. So the day after your $299 POS's 90 day warranty expires, and the system is engulfed in flames, don't bitch about it. Dell makes a lot of money selling warranties on their systems, but it is up to you to purchase it. Understand that it is a gamble on both sides: you dishing out cash expecting that something might happen, and Dell getting cash expecting nothing happens. Most importantly, understand what the warranty covers! (http://www.dell.com/warranty) The tech support you get with your warranty is Dell hardware only. If anything happens to the software, prinstalled or installed by you or viruses/spyware/adware, it is your responsability. Software is never guaranteed by anyone. Don't believe me? Read the EULAs.

3. You shall not make a purchase using a DFS account: There's a reason we call it here the DFS hell. How stupid must a person be to make a purchase and finance it with them at an interest of 29.99%? Have you ever read the terms and conditions on a DFS account? Not even Montgomery Burns' team of high prized lawyers can figure that one out. If you need "financing" use a credit card. Don't have one? Arrange a payment through check. Don't have a checking account? You're a deadbeat. Don't expect any company to entrust you a product without having fully paid for it beforehand.

4. Shall you buy a new PC, first fit it to your needs, then to your budget: Don't be one of those idiots purchasing the $299 PC and expect it to play DVDs, run Battlefield 2 smoothly and make you a triple cinnamon latte moccachino. Make you damn homework! Decide what you need your PC for, then shop around, and see which option best fits your budget. If you can't afford what you want/need, then start saving or get a cheaper system and don't bitch about its shortcomings. Know the product and its features before talking to a sales person. They are sales people, and their job is to sell. They only work on commission, so they have to weasel their way as much as they can to feed themselves (click here to hear a certain panama sales call!). Trust them as much as any other sales person.

5. You shall read the fucking manual (RTFM): The user's manual comes preinstalled in your system as a PDF file and a HTML file. If you want a hard copy, it is up to you to print it out. If you want the manuals on the software, they are all available online from each company; print them out if you want to. Not Dell nor anyone else has the responsability to give you printed manuals. They cost money and that bites into their profits. If you don't know how to use a program, buy the book. take a course or RTFM. Don't call Dell expecting help on how to use AutoCAD. If you don't know how to use the internet and email and such, call your ISP, or a friend. If you don't know how to use a computer at all, you have no business owning one.

6. You shall be nice to the telephone agent: Most customer service/tech support agents are screamed at 90% of an 8-hour (if not longer) day by customers and management as well. Think of it: people do not call Dell to congratulate them on an excellent system but to bitch about their problems. Managers do not come around to congratulate you on your good job, but only to bitch about how long you've been helping someone. All the call center subcontractors that handle Dell calls, get paid by calls recieved, not by issue solved. So if your nice to the agent and give him a break, he will also give you a break, and not try to get you off the phone in under 6 minutes. Also mind that you have a 50% chance of getting someone who was poorly trained and doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Be patient, and if you're really dissapointed, hang up, call again, pray.

7. You shall not complain about agent's ethnic origin or accent: Please refer to the first commandment. Do you expect Dell to pay american salaries to american people when they have to keep things as cheap as possible to maximize profits and give investors mental orgasms, while you rejoice in the satisfaction of getting the cheapest system money can buy? No. If you bought the cheapest PC around, know what might be coming your way. If you don't like the person's accent, hang up, call again, pray. If you really want an "american" to help you out with your issue, good luck, there is a very slim chance you might get lucky, but in reality, more likely is the case that you landed in someone's phone in asia that does not have an accent and lies to you about it. If you really want an american to help you out, call the Geek Squad or take it to your local computer store and see how much it costs to service the equipment by someone that gets an american salary.

8. You shall document everything: Any contact you have with someone at Dell, document the name of the agent (they will not give you a last name, and try to get the agents real name, not the anglicized version if in Asia), Employee ID, position, department they work in, and location before you even start speaking about anything else. After you're done, ask for the case number. The case number documents your issue in Dell's database, so if you had many interactions with different people on the same issue, it would be only 1 case number. If you ever have to return anything, whether it be a faulty part or exchange of a wrong part, get a receipt from the Courier person and document his name and time of pickup. Dell fucks up often, and if they do not record getting the package, they will call you on saturday morning while you're sleeping/incubating a nasty hangover, and ask you if you are considering returning the package. If you ever run into trouble with anyone, you can always ask for a supervisor and use this information. In theory, you cannot be denied a supervisor, as long as the issue is beyond the agent's head. But if for example you land in HelpDesk and in need of software support, not wanting to pay for the service is not a reason to ask for a supervisor, it is a reason to get you off the phone in less than 6 minutes.

9. You shall not blame Michael: Michael Dell is by now a rich poor sap that has no control over Dell anymore. Dell is run by a board of directors that answers only to investors' interest. It's all about the profits baby! Corporations have no faces. The best way to deal with them is to use the channels that are provided to you, even if they suck. You are not special, and deserve no special treatment. Get in line and wait like everyone else. Only blame yourself, for it is you who decided to make business with Dell Computer Corporation.

10. Should you get in trouble, you shall post at ihatedell.net: We're bunch of current and ex-employees that know the system. Most of the regulars are very nice, so ask your question. Chances are we know the answer... and we do it for free! Do not get pissy if you don't like our replies. Some things cannot be done. Some things cannot be returned. Some things will suck. Some things will overheat and be engulfed in flames. All we can do is show you how to use the system in your favour.

If you decided to go for a Dell, know what you get into. And even if you follow the commandments, be aware that bad shit still happens, as many Dell customers know. I really hope this article helps people and I really hope the best for them.


I welcome any comments and corrections to be made. I would also like to get started on a "Thinking of buying a Dell?" guide. MoT, this post and the upcoming guide are some things I would like to see on the site's main page (and I hope the other regulars will support me on that!)

EDIT: Thanks for the sticky admin!
EDIT: Added return info on 8th
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Don't be lazy, build your own computer...

[paul_dellcc]

Excellent, brilliant, awesome...

I've run out of adjectives

Very good post nis_pero, congratulations
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I see DELL people!!

If we don't remember our past, we can't understand our present and we can put in danger our future...

[Rocke_T_Sinetist]

Thanks Nis. Comprehensive, accurate, imminently applicable.

Thing I'd point out is, why should customers have to dodge all these corporate dodges to get the product and service they rightfully think they're buying? Sure, storefront retailers have 'terms and conditions'. Those have been more-or-less standardized over several generations. And legally upheld. A product that works, service that works if the product fails, a serviceperson who speaks the customer's language-- these are things that are taken for granted in retailing, because they have a VERY long precedent. You could call them 'foundational' to retailing.

Dell takes them away and substitutes their own, which they just made up, which nobody can reasonably be expected to anticipate. Gawd! It shouldn't take a f**king instruction manual to be a customer. And yet it does with Dell.

That's the issue we're dealing with. Why is doing business with Dell like a street fight? Where if you get hit with an elbow unexpectedly upside the head, the referee of precedent doesn't step in and call a foul? What about 'globalization' gives Dell the authority to rewrite (violate) the precedential conventions of retailing and expect customers to comply? A customer has a right to expect "standard" retailing terms. Not a duty to read 5 pages of legalese in order to cover their ass when they buy a gizmo.
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Rocke T Sinetist
as in, 'it doesn't take a...'

[nis_pero]

Do you really think HP or Gateway are in any way different? Same shit goes over there. Same fucking call centre subcontractors are doing the same job with different companies. We only hear more about Dell, because it is the most common PC around. Comparing Dell suckyness vs Gateway suckyness is like comparing ihatepepsi.net vs ihaterccola.net.

And I do believe OEMs have to cover their asses very well with all the legalese. PCs are relatively new technologies, and because it has the unheard-of characteristic of being part hardware and software, and all the manufacturers involved want to keep their brand names separate and what now, is why all this gets so darn complicated.

Terms and conditions on anything have to be complicated, so that when the time comes that a stupid ass porn creep decides to sue dell because he's got Sasser, it's an air tight case for the company in question. Sure, it would be nice to have a document that an everyday Joe might understand, but the unreadable document will always prevail.

I just wonder what part of the terms and conditions of sale you do not find "standard"? Here's a link to the US TOS agreement (http://www1.us.dell.com/content/topics/global.aspx/policy/en/policy?c=us&l=en&s=gen&~ck=lf&~section=012), While you're at it, also take a look at HP's TOS agreement (http://welcome.hp.com/country/us/en/privacy/termsofsale.html). Both are mumbo-jumbo to me. I get the major points on the Dell TOS at least:

1. Warranty covers Dell hardware only
2. As for Software, your bound by the EULA (end-user licence agreement) of each manufacturer. When you install anything and click "I agree", and never read what is above it, that's the EULA. You will also find that software is never guaranteed. Always provided "as is".
3. You have 21 days after invoice to return the system. 14 days if you bought a refurbished one. You might have to pay for shipping it back, and also a 15% restocking fee in some cases.
4. If you're covered by the hardware warranty and it can't be fixed, Dell can send you a refurbished system in exchange.
5. Whatever you have on you HDD, is your responsability to back up. Dell is not responsible for data loss.
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Don't be lazy, build your own computer...

[Rocke_T_Sinetist]

Yes, things a customer does in good faith with a computer (install programs from otherwise-reputable vendors, i.e., SBC) can disable it. Not so with a television. You can watch all the porn you want on your new Sony TV, but a website that supplies essentially the same thing can decimate your operating system. Is that Dell's fault? Of course not.

I'm talking about the difference between buying a computer from Dell NOW, and buying a computer from Dell 5 years ago.

I bought a computer from Dell in 1999. It has been one of the soundest consumer purchases I ever made. Would I buy another computer from Dell, NOW? No.

Why? If the Dell salesman typos ANY of your identification data, you will NEVER be able to get service. Policy. Is there any precedent for that in retailing? Ever? No, there is not.

If my Sears washing machine quits a month after I buy it, will they shuffle me to an unintelligible person on the other side of the world, bounce me from phone to phone for 4 hours, tell me it's my fault because my clothes were too dirty, send me a refurbished pump and expect me to install it? No.

These are the kind of things I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the difference between Dell and HP or Gateway. When one finds out they can get away with something, the others immediately follow. I'm talking about the difference between what has become 'the computer industry' and EVERY other retail transaction. I just happen to be doing it on the "problems with Dell" website, as a Dell customer and engineer.
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Rocke T Sinetist
as in, 'it doesn't take a...'

[nis_pero]

[delltech_jeremy]

That just about sums it up to a tee.

I'm gonna print me a copy to go in my cube
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Caller>Yes, I was calling to check what kind of materials your mouse pads are made of.
Me>Uhh... uhh... hold on... (hold button)
[Ten minutes later...]
Me>I'm sorry, but I have no idea.

[ShaftDu]

i wish there was a way the admins or moT could be a sticky or something on the front page with this.

[paul_dellcc]

[Nebuchadnezzar]

A guy at our school once printed 100 pages of "poo" to all the printers at the school... interesting fact...
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You're depriving a village somewhere of an idiot...

For those of you who want to know, a Nebuchadnezzar is a 15l bottle of wine...

[nis_pero]

[nis_pero]

[Chosen One]

nis, i thought yer post was good.
but i thought the dell commandments went more like this.
10-u will lie
9-u must lie
8-u gotta keep lyin
7-u gotta drink koolaid
6-to move up u gotta kneel or bend over
5-when ya bend over ya gotta grin and pretend ya like it
4-u gotta have no ethics
3-u gotta agree with everything yer uppers say
2-u gotta stab peeps in the back
1-remember the other 9 and u'll be ok
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"it ain't personal, it's just business"

[paul_dellcc]

[nis_pero]